Your Brain’s Playing Favorites and It's Wrecking Your Confidence

You can remember the lemon risotto in Florence, the way the wine glass felt in your hand, the conversation, the music, the temperature outside, and the smile on your face.

But if someone asks you what you had for breakfast yesterday, or worse, to give a quick update on your team's performance, your throat goes dry, your mind blanks, and you suddenly wish you could vanish into the floor.

Why is that?

The answer lies in neuroscience, specifically in how the brain encodes emotion, memory, and pressure.

When you talk about something you love, whether it’s your favorite meal, a hobby, your dog, or a vacation, you’re speaking from the limbic system, the part of your brain that’s connected to emotion and long-term memory. You’re accessing a feeling, not just a fact. That’s why it flows. It’s personal. It’s vivid. It’s effortless.

But when you’re asked to speak under pressure, like during a presentation, interview, or meeting, your brain shifts control to the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for planning, logic, and self-monitoring. And if there’s even a whiff of stress? Your amygdala may kick in, interpreting the moment as a threat, which can trigger a fight-flight-freeze response.

That’s why your words dry up, not because you don’t know what to say, but because your brain doesn’t feel safe enough to let you say it.

But here’s the good news: You can use the same brain patterns that make you a confident storyteller over dinner to become a confident speaker at work.

Here’s how:

1. Anchor your message in meaning.
Even if you’re talking about data, find the story in it. Tie it to impact. Why does this matter? Who benefits? Emotion makes information stick for you and them.

2. Speak out loud before the moment.
Your brain treats spoken rehearsal as experience. The more you say it, the safer it feels when it’s time to deliver. Don’t just think it, say it.

3. Use imagery.
Create mental visuals to help organize your points. This gives your brain something concrete to work with instead of a tangle of abstract thoughts.

4. Shift from performance to connection.
When you focus on impressing others, your brain ramps up pressure. When you focus on connecting with them, your brain finds safety. People connect with people, not perfection.

5. Breathe. Seriously.
Intentional breathing regulates your nervous system. It’s not fluffy. It’s science.

Confidence isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about giving your brain a reason to trust that it’s safe to speak.

So the next time you freeze in a meeting, remember: you don’t need a new personality. You need a new approach. Your brain already knows how to do this. Let’s help it show up.